June 3, 1931

Today my Grandma turned 76. Or i guess she would have if she was still around.


Today I was looking at pictures of her and thinking. I just started crying. This is really weird for me, i mean, i really never knew her, or met her for that matter. But it just really makes you think.


That's her at around 25. Isn't she beautiful? How would she like having five grandkids? What would she think of my hair being longer than hers? What did her voice sound like? Her laugh? Her singing?


Look, that's her and Grandpy! And that's my mum bottom left! My mum's got her smile. How did she survive afterwards without a mother of her own? Could I have done the same?

Grandma, I don't think of you much. I wonder if it's still hard for Grandfather. For the rest of the family. After nearly forty years. Your 50th wedding anniversary would have nearly matched my brother's fifteenth birthday. Why did you give up?

Eleanor Foster— Beloved Wife, Mother, and Grandmother: There is still light left in your eyes. Even today.

It is Finished!

Oh wow... it is just SO RELIEVING to be here, at the end of all things. I made it, and man was this year a journey. I thought that Sophomore year was the hardest, which it was, well, academically. But this was different. It was difficult, horribly so, but at the same time so easy. I dunno, it's kinda hard to explain. But I'm glad to have moved on to the next stage, somewhat at least. Anyway, this sunday my bro's graduating & i'm gonna officially be called a SENIOR!!

On a different note, those of you who like kids and social justice, BloodWater:Mission (that JarsofClay-founded save Afrika org) has a VBS Companion called "Raindrop" to teach kids about the world poverty and make them want to act. It looks pretty sweet. You can download the guide here.

Also on Jars news, Pastor Serg was recently seen rockin the drums to "Work." Oh, and with all this questioning religion stuff, i totally relate to the whole "We are bored of all the things we know" ("Good Monsters") thing. Good stuff!

Random Facts On Buddhism

Buddhism is not a religion, but a way of living. In other words, Buddhism is not about rites and rituals, but is simply a lifestyle that is followed by those who believe it is the best way to live.(for those of you who have read Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis, you see the similarity?)

Buddhists do not worship the Buddha as a god or pray to him, but instead look up to his example and follow him as a master teacher or elder, in the same way a Jewish disciple would follow his rabbi.

Karma basically means that what you do with your feelings in the present dictates the future.

The belief system in Buddhism is pretty much: In life there is suffering and all suffering is caused by self centered desire/craving, so in order to stop suffering, you need to stop desire/craving. Buddhists call their way of life, the best way to rid oneself of desire, "the Eightfold Path."

The way of Buddha, or Eightfold Path, seems surprisingly like the way of Jesus, except without the social activist edge. It looks like it focuses a lot more on not hurting people than actively helping people, which would be okay if everyone was doing it. I like the stress on peace at all costs, though.


Anyway, for a kid who always thought Buddhism was all about bowing down to a fat little man sitting on a cushion, this stuff seems to make a heckuva lot of sense. Anyway, Buddhists, I respect you now. It looks like a mighty good way to live.

Exciting!

Hey, I just had my dentist thing the other day. And... NO CAVITIES!!!

Displaced

Those of you who know me very well are quite familiar with my nasty habit of procrastination mixed with spontaneity. That said, you won't find it too surprising that when Dan and I watched Invisible Children last Friday night, we both decided that we wanted to take part in the large-scale war-protest-type-thing happening the next day, called Displace Me. After less than 24 hrs of planning (including buying lots of Saltines / painting red "x"s on various white t-shirts / signing forms / scavenging for cardboard, etc), we were on the road to our nation's capital, along with my brother, Paul, with my Dad driving.



(Exciting!)

The first thing I noticed when we arrived was how friendly the people were. The volunteers were way chill, and seemed psyched that they were there and psyched that we were there also. Dan had an identity confusion near the entrance (ask him!). We had arrived late according to the schedule, but there were lots of people coming late, so that was no prob. On the White House side of the Washington Monument, there was this great sea of bizarre makeshift cardboard huts, which we waded through until we found an empty spot to construct our own. We made a small tent-type thing, probably large enough to fit two people (though noone ended up sleeping in it anyway) which we decorated with various slogans such as "WAR SUX" and "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE" (woo Beatles!), as well as two fabulous Dan-drawn portraits of Gandhi. That hut belonged in a museum.

While this was happening, there were cameramen filming the masses while they held various slogans. Dan and I hacked for a bit and we made some friends around our site. Dan and I started rockin' out to "You Are My Joy"— drew a bit of a crowd. Oh and be sure to ask Dan about his "free tacos" story.



There was this pretty rad speaker from Gulu, Uganda, who basically just thanked us for coming. For the next hour or so they showed a handful of testimonial videos from Uganda to coincide with activities that we would participate in. For example, in the Ugandan displacement camps only the men are allowed to harvest food, while only the women aged 18-22 can fetch water—and only for one man at a time (lots of trips). So we were to do the same. Men would stand in line to pick up three of the plastic Saltine packets each, hoping to trade a young lady for a water bottle. The interdependency was pretty sweet, and it was a cool way to meet new people. We also were to write our Senators and presidents, and call several of our friends to raise awareness.

Probably the most poignant moment of the night was the 21 minutes of silence. They showed a film about one boy of many with AIDS, who holds a strong ambition to train and become a doctor. We were asked to be silent for the next 21 minutes, one minute for every year in which Uganda has been in this war, in order to pray and to contemplate. The silence was complete and beautiful. There was power in it.

After this we were surprised to see a message from Laura Bush talking about how happy she is that we are doing this, which really made me question how effective this really is as a political tool. It was fun to make fun of her accent, though. :)



And then the drum circle. Crazy drumming. 100 crazy people dancing and chanting theirselves out. "No war in Uganda!" "Let this beat shake the White House!" and the ever-present "Pum pum pa-yay... shu shu mah-yah!" (uh, some type of African thing?) It went for hours.

It was about one in the morning when Dan and I made it back to camp with the guitar, and played "Stars." Within a few minutes, there were about six people gathered around, some singing, some listening. We played more Crowder, Jack Johnson, and some original stuff. Then we talked. Amazing talk. About politics and injustice and religion and spirituality. It was so, so refreshing and relieving to be outside the SDA culture. Eventually, one girl came by and asked us if we had any pot. We didn't, but invited her to sit and talk with us, and she did. In fact, she ended up staying with us all night. It was just such a beautiful conversation and experience. There was just this assumption in everything that we were all friends and all united. It made me want to join a group of hippies.


(check it out! it even has my name on it!)

We packed up and headed home in the morning, but I still wanted to stay, for this stuff to last. But even so, it felt really good to sleep in my bed again. I just feel bad for those we were representing who hadn't slept in a bed in at least ten years, probably never.

allow me to reintroduce myself...

my, my... it has been many weeks since I have typed in this little box hasn't it? Well then, I would apologize for laziness, but I'm just too cruel to be sorry. Well, now that I've probably lost whatever faithful readership I once had, I can speak without worrying about my offensive...ness...ity...thing. Yeah, so, I think I'll give a few tidbits about my recent life for starters.

(first on agenda) Yes, there was that one time about a month ago when I went on a Mission Trip to Brazil. For those still wondering, it was rather grand. I should probably write about that soon, eh? (No, seriously, I had a really fantastic time, and I really want to tell you about it, but I still haven't gotten the pictures all together)

(numba doix) The week before the last I was an atheist. Well, no, probably not quite an atheist, but I may as well have been one. It's okay, you don't need to worry. I've been doing plenty of worrying for myself. Seriously, it's really bewildering to have your entire belief system brought down with no singular reason. And I'm still there. Well, maybe you should worry for me. This is probably good for me, actually (most bad-tasting things are). I guess I've just needed to step outside myself to spy what I've become and reorient myself. And one thing's for sure: I don't want the easy way out. When I come out of this, I want to be sure of myself. I want to believe for reasons.

Actually, I'm not all that sure that I want to believe at all. Or at least not believe for the sake of belief. I guess I've kind of come to the conclusion that religion is a farce invented by humans (or perhaps the devil) in order to distract ourselves from liberating the oppressed and helping the needy (and it does this far too often. i quote: "When your religion turns you into the devil there just might be something wrong"). I've become all too ready to just run away and do something.

Wow, I'd better end this before it turns too much into a mindless rant. Haha, it's good to see you again too!

Forward...

MARCH!!!

I think that may be one of the stupidest month names ever. But every time I wrote 3/1/07 on a paper today, I got this inexplicable burst of joy. I dunno. I just know this is going to be an awesome month. Maybe it has to do with the fact that less than a week from now I will be in Iguape, Brasil! This is gonna be awesome!

Oh, and I got my haircut. Goin' for the whole reverse mullet look. You know, take that "short on top...long in the back" thing and flip it around. It might be pretty spiffy!